


of talks and romantic gestures

by izazov



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Miscommunication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2020-11-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:15:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27546700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/izazov/pseuds/izazov
Summary: Obi-Wan just wanted to arrive back to Coruscant on time. Anakin had other ideas.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 12
Kudos: 606





	of talks and romantic gestures

In Obi-Wan's experience, leaving the hyperspace early was usually followed by flashing red lights and sirens blaring, indicating either an enemy interference or a ship malfunction.

This time, however, the only warning sign was Anakin's lack of reaction. In fact, Anakin was far too calm, there was not even a hint of surprise, concern or annoyance at the unexpected change in their journey back to Coruscant. Which could mean only one thing: it wasn't unexpected. Well. For Anakin, at least, it wasn't unexpected.

Obi-Wan... would have preferred flashing red lights to whatever Anakin has come up with now.

"Anakin," Obi-Wan said, flicking a glance from Anakin's profile to the navicomputer's screen. A quick check of the numbers confirmed Obi-Wan's suspicion: their course had been altered. Anakin must have done it when they had stopped to refuel. Obi-Wan's right temple throbbed in warning of a coming headache. Obi-Wan considered naming it _Anakin_. "Is there a reason we have exited hyperspace-" Obi-Wan leaned forward in his seat, frowning at the numbers on the navicomputer's screen, "-almost a day early and parsecs away from where we _should_ be at this point in our journey?"

"Uh-huh," Anakin replied, not taking his eyes away from the viewport.

Frustration flared hot in Obi-Wan's abdomen, but he refused to give in to it. He took a steadying breath, and then another. And another. Until only a faint displeasure with Anakin's antics remained. 

"Care to share what that reason might be?"

Anakin glanced briefly at him, a spark of thrill lighting up his eyes.

"You'll see," Anakin said, returning his attention to piloting the ship, the Force around him practically vibrating with excitement.

Obi-Wan pinched the bridge of his nose. "Anakin," he sighed. "We are expected to arrive at Coruscant in two days. We cannot afford to waste time on needless distractions."

Anakin remained silent for a moment, his hands stilling on the steering yoke. "It's just-" Anakin trailed off, the muscle in his jaw jumping. He looked at Obi-Wan, something naked and vulnerable showing in his eyes. "Do you trust me?"

Obi-Wan frowned. The answer to that question was fairly obvious. "Of course I trust you, Anakin. You know I trust you. There is no one I trust more."

"Then trust me, okay?" Anakin said, his expression softening into something infinitely gentle. 

Obi-Wan felt his own expression shift in answer, the corner of his mouth lifting seemingly without any conscious input from Obi-Wan. 

Anakin turned back to the viewport, his eyes sparkling with joy. "Now just be patient," Anakin said, his mouth curving into a grin. "You're a Master on the Council, you can be patient, right?"

"I think the fact I have survived training _you_ speaks more about my patience than my seat on the Council does," Obi-Wan replied, dry.

Anakin's only response was a snort, the Force around him humming with barely restrained glee.

Obi-Wan swallowed a sigh, settling more comfortably in the co-pilot's seat. He regarded the planet Anakin was piloting them towards, a sense of unease settling in his stomach. Unease that was not caused by their unsanctioned delay or possible dangers awaiting them on the planet.

Quite the opposite.

Obi-Wan trusted Anakin. With his life. With his body. Even with his heart. 

Wherever Anakin went, Obi-Wan would undeniably follow. Today, it was a small, uninhabited planet.

Tomorrow… well. _That_ was the question.

******

Obi-Wan folded his hands across his chest, his eyebrows rising as he regarded his surroundings.

He was standing in a knee high grass, interspersed with blue and yellow wildflowers, stretching as far as the eye could see, swaying gently on the wind.

"This is a meadow, Anakin," Obi-Wan remarked, wry. He threw a glance at Anakin who was crouching a few steps away, arranging his cloak over a patch of grass. "It is quite… fetching but hardly the first meadow I have seen in my life."

"We're not here because of the grass, Obi-Wan, " Anakin replied over his shoulder, sounding distracted. Straightening, he frowned at his cloak. "No, that's-" Anakin muttered in a low voice. He took a look at his surroundings, his expression brightening when his gaze landed on Obi-Wan. 

"I need to borrow your cloak," Anakin said, extending his gloved hand.

Obi-Wan let out a deep breath, shrugging off his cloak. Anakin's excitement was nearly palpable, making his already bright Force signature almost blinding. For Obi-Wan that was a sufficient incentive to go along with whatever it was Anakin had in mind.

"Here," Obi-Wan said, striding over and offering his cloak to Anakin. "But if anything should happen to it, you are taking the full responsibility for its destruction. _And_ you are explaining it to Master Laas."

Anakin snatched the offered cloak, grinning widely. "Sure. But he wouldn't believe me. You know, I think he is the only Jedi who likes me more than he likes you."

Obi-Wan chose not to comment on Anakin's remark. Mostly because Anakin was right. The old Temple quartermaster was not overly fond of Obi-Wan's habit of displacing cloaks.

"Is this your idea of a picnic, Anakin?" Obi-Wan asked, amused, watching Anakin arrange his cloak on top of Anakin's own. "I believe some assortment of food and beverage is usually required."

Anakin lay down onto their cloaks, grinning up at Obi-Wan. "Patience is a virtue. Trust in the Force, and all shall be revealed to you," Anakin recited in a dreadful imitation of a Coruscanti accent. "Do not forego the present in favor of the future."

Obi-Wan gave Anakin an unimpressed look. "I most certainly do not sound like that. Besides," Obi-Wan said, arching an eyebrow. "You have hardly paid enough attention to any of my lectures to repeat even minor parts verbatim."

Anakin's grin widened. "I always listened when it mattered," Anakin said, patting the empty space next to himself. "Come on, Obi-Wan, it's more comfortable down here."

Obi-Wan felt his mouth lift upwards even against his will. "Well, since it is comfortable, I can hardly refuse."

Obi-Wan sat down, faintly surprised by the fact that Anakin, apparently, wasn't exaggerating; it really was comfortable. He glanced down at Anakin, a warm and bright feeling expanding in the hollow of his chest at the sight of the unbridled joy written all across Anakin's face.

"Now will you- _Anakin!_ " Obi-Wan exclaimed as Anakin's reached out, grinning unrepentantly, and dragged him down.

"If you wanted to cuddle," Obi-Wan groused, now lying flat on his back, unresisting, as Anakin sidled up to him, nestling his head in the crook of Obi-Wan's neck. "You could have just asked."

"Next time," Anakin murmured, draping his arm around Obi-Wan's middle, and sighing in contentment. "I promise."

Obi-Wan let out a long exhale, closing his eyes and clearing his thoughts, his entire world narrowing down to the feeling of warmth and the solid, reassuring weight of Anakin's body, curled around him.

"Anakin," Obi-Wan murmured without opening his eyes, carding his fingers through Anakin's unruly locks, while his other hand traced a slow and lazy path across Anakin's back. "Not that this isn't pleasant, but why are we here?"

Anakin let out a huff of laughter, shifting his weight slightly. "You're not nearly as patient as you'd made people think you are, _Master_ Kenobi."

Obi-Wan opened his eyes, meeting Anakin's twinkling gaze, the sunlight catching in his hair and crowning his head in a golden halo. 

For one distant moment, Obi-Wan was bereft of words, breath catching in his throat. He felt as if his chest was caving in under the pressure of the fierce and all-encompassing affection for the brilliant, contrary, _impossible_ man within the cradle of his arms.

_Force, I love you_.

It wasn't a revelation - not really, Obi-Wan had known it for quite a while now - but it was the first time he had allowed himself to acknowledge what he felt fully. And under its proper name.

Anakin's eyes widened, an expression of wonder and disbelief passing across his features a moment before Obi-Wan managed to gather the loose threads of his control, tightening his shields, a flash of panic shooting through his chest and dispersing the warmth still lingering there.

"And you are doing surprisingly well in your portrayal of a cryptic old master, _Knight_ Skywalker," Obi-Wan teased, unable to entirely smooth the rough edges of his voice. Or calm his racing heartbeat. 

Anakin, who was lying half draped across Obi-Wan's chest, propped up on his elbow, lowered his head back down, but not before Obi-Wan could see a look of resigned disappointment flicker across his face.

A pang of guilt made Obi-Wan's chest go tight and cold, his fingers faltering as they stroked through Anakin's hair.

"Saying a bunch of senseless drunk?" Anakin said, bitterness lacing his words. "It's not like it takes any real effort."

Obi-Wan cursed inwardly, uncomfortably aware of the sudden distance between them, despite how closely entwined were their bodies.

"How did you find this planet?" Obi-Wan asked after a moment, trying to fill the silence with something - anything - that would dispel the tension that had settled in the air between them. He felt the loss of that warm, languid sense of contentment almost like a physical ache.

And he had no one but himself to blame. 

Anakin remained silent for a long moment. "I had to make a stop here," he said in a quiet voice, his fingers absentmindedly playing with the collar of Obi-Wan's tunic, occasionally brushing against the skin of Obi-Wan's neck. It was decidedly distracting. "My fighter was… damaged."

Obi-Wan noted the slight hesitation in Anakin's voice, the faint hint of embarrassment. 

"So you crashed here," Obi-Wan concluded.

Anakin lifted his head off of Obi-Wan's chest just long enough to give him a dirty look.

" _Crash_ \- _landed_ ," Anakin insisted. "One of my better ones considering the shape of my fighter."

Any amusement Obi-Wan had felt faded entirely. His throat went dry, while his fingers instinctively gripped the back of Anakin's tunic. Anakin's voice faded into white noise as images of fire and death flickered in front of his mind's eye, chilling him down to his core.

"-Wan? _Obi-Wan?_ "

Obi-Wan snapped his eyes open - _when had he closed them?_ \- blinking up in confusion at Anakin's frowning face.

"What happened?" Anakin demanded, bewildered and concerned in equal measure.

"I-" Obi-Wan trailed off, letting his hands fall down on the ground next to himself. His thoughts were sluggish, fragmented, and he was more than a little annoyed with himself for the slip in his control. An unnecessary one at that. Anakin was obviously fine and unharmed. Whatever had happened, had not even made it into the official report.

So why was it so difficult for Obi-Wan to calm his heartbeat and make his lungs work properly?

Anakin's frown deepened as he pushed himself into a sitting position, his eyes scanning Obi-Wan as if searching for an injury.

"What happened? You just-" Anakin gestured helplessly with his right hand, "-pulled inside yourself. I couldn't reach you."

Obi-Wan dragged a hand across his face, cursing his foolishness inwardly. Even as an Initiate with a temper, he had never lost control of himself in such an… undignified manner.

"I'm fine," Obi-Wan rasped, sitting up, a rueful half-smile forming on his lips. 

Anakin's eyes narrowed, his expression twisting into a scowl. "We're alone here, Obi-Wan. There's no Yoda, or Windu, or anyone else from the kriffing Council with us," Anakin bit out, rising to his feet. "No one will accuse you of being less than a perfect Jedi if you, for once, admit to not being fine."

"The Council have nothing to do with anything that's happened here, Anakin," Obi-Wan said in a clipped tone. He fixed Anakin with an even stare despite the way his chest still felt raw and aching. "You are angry with me, not them."

Anakin opened his mouth, only to snap it shut. Turning abruptly, he strode away, stopping a few feet away, shoulders tense and hands balled into fists, frustration, helplessness, and something else, something… complicated radiating off of him.

Obi-Wan sighed. "I- I don't want to argue, Anakin."

That was the truth. But there were other truths, crowding Obi-Wan's mind and heart, demanding to be voiced, but Obi-Wan could not do so.

Not now. Not _yet._

Anakin let out a bitter laugh, throwing Obi-Wan a glance over his shoulder. "Arguing wasn't what I had in mind when I brought you here either."

"And what did you have in mind?"

Anakin turned around slowly, his expression guarded. "What does it matter now? It's not as if you wanted to come."

"No, I did not," Obi-Wan admitted in a quiet voice. "But you did."

Anakin lifted his chin, crossing his arms over his chest. "And how does that change anything?" 

Obi-Wan rose to his feet. He walked over to where Anakin stood, stopping when he was within arm's reach, his gaze holding Anakin's the entire time.

"Because what matters to you, matters to me," Obi-Wan said, voice soft. 

Anakin's eyes went wide with stunned wonder for a brief moment. It faded almost instantly, replaced by a sharp and bitter accusation.

"And how would I know that if you never show it?" Anakin made an aborted move with his left hand; as if he meant to reach for Obi-Wan but decided not to in the last second. He pressed his mouth into a thin, angry line, his features contorting into a pained grimace. "If you never _say_ anything."

Obi-Wan breathed through the sting of Anakin's words, aware that - at least in part - they were true. Aware, also, that they were unfair.

What they had… well. It was nothing Obi-Wan had any experience with. He was stumbling blindly through foreign ground, aware how far from the familiar, well-trodden path he had strayed, following the bright, blazing sun that was Anakin.

"What do you need from me, Anakin?" Obi-Wan asked, quiet. He held himself perfectly still, despite an almost physical need to reach and grab Anakin, either to shake him or gather him close. 

Anakin forehead creased, a shadow of wariness creeping into his eyes. "Don't you know already?"

"Perhaps I do," Obi-Wan conceded. "But I am not the only one who has been… reticent with his words."

Anakin snorted. "Like you wouldn't run for the hills at the first mention of _attachment,_ " Anakin spat the last word as if it were poisonous.

"And that is what you want?" Obi-Wan asked, his voice quiet but steady. "A proof of attachment?"

"I want _everything_ ," Anakin admitted, low and fierce, his eyes gleaming hotly. He looked away, his throat working soundlessly as he swallowed. "But I'll take whatever you are willing to give me," he added in a quiet, resigned tone.

Obi-Wan took a deep breath but the air felt stale in his lungs. "And if it isn't enough?"

Anakin snapped his gaze back, frustration and hurt wiping off the resignation from his face. "Why did you even kiss me back that first time?" Anakin demanded, stepping closer, until scant inches of space were separating them, the air around him trembling with the force of his emotions. "What did you expect would happen? What do _you_ want from _me_?!"

Obi-Wan held his ground, unmoving before the whirlwind of Anakin's emotions.

It was… easy to recall the first time they had kissed.

Easy to recall the silence of their tent, almost surreal after hours of battle. Easy to recall the stench of smoke and blood clinging to both of them. Easy to recall the tentative hope on Anakin's face as he leaned down, brushing his mouth against Obi-Wan's. Easy to recall Anakin's gasp of surprise as Obi-Wan's mouth parted, deepening the kiss. Easy to recall how pliant Anakin had gone against Obi-Wan, his heart beating uneven, furious rhythm underneath Obi-Wan's curious fingers.

Recalling their first kiss was easy. Answering Anakin's question was considerably more difficult.

Why had Obi-Wan returned Anakin's kiss? Why had he allowed Anakin into his bed, when he had already been irrevocably attached to him?

"Because I wanted to," Obi-Wan said, as if in a daze, the words falling from his lips seemingly without Obi-Wan's conscious decision.

"You wanted... what exactly?" Anakin demanded, anger and frustration written plainly across his face. He raised his gloved hand, only to force it back down, the muscle in his jaw jumping. "A convenient fuck? A distraction? _What did you want, Obi-Wan?!_ "

_Not to have this conversation_ , Obi-Wan thought, squashing that thought quickly. It was selfish and cowardly, unworthy of the man Obi-Wan has strived to be his entire life.

Besides, this conversation was already long overdue. Possibly from that first morning Obi-Wan had woken in the same bed as Anakin, with Anakin curled around him: naked, sated, and utterly at peace.

"If there is one thing you are not, Anakin, it is convenient," Obi-Wan said. "And I have never sought distraction. Especially not in the way you suggested."

For a moment, Anakin looked like he was seriously considering throttling Obi-Wan. Only to deflate a beat later, his shoulders sagging in resignation. "Fine. You win," Anakin ground out. "If we leave now, we should arrive at Coruscant only a few hours late."

Anakin turned to leave but Obi-Wan stopped him by grabbing his wrist.

"I am not done yet," Obi-Wan said, calm but unyielding.

Anakin narrowed his eyes, glancing down at Obi-Wan's fingers circling his wrist then back up at Obi-Wan's face. "You have made your-"

"I wanted _you_ ," Obi-Wan interjected.

"-point." 

Anakin blinked and went silent, a myriad of emotions playing across his face, ranging from a wariness to a faint hope.

Obi-Wan let go of Anakin's wrist, taking Anakin's face between his hands. "Just you, Anakin," Obi-Wan repeated, voice gentle.

"What are you saying?" Anakin said, his voice hoarse. Obi-Wan wondered whether or not he was aware he was leaning into Obi-Wan's touch.

Obi-Wan gently but inexorably pulled Anakin's head down, until their foreheads were pressed together. 

"You cannot possibly think I remain… unattached," Obi-Wan breathed into the space between their faces, tracing the lines of Anakin's face reverently with his thumbs. "Anakin, there is no one more dear to me. There never has been."

Anakin let out a low, broken sound. He grabbed Obi-Wan's wrist, pressing his hand harder against his cheek. "I love you," Anakin said, low and fierce. He wound his free arm around Obi-Wan's back, bringing their bodies together. Obi-Wan could feel him trembling faintly. "I've loved you for years."

Obi-Wan slid his fingers into Anakin's hair, his other hand still trapped in Anakin's near desperate grip. His gaze flicked to Anakin's parted lips, a flare of heat searing through him.

Did he love Anakin? Yes, with an intensity and passion that Obi-Wan had not thought himself capable.

But to say the words now… what would it mean?

Just a simple assurance? Or a vow of commitment?

A Jedi could have no other commitment save that to the Order. Could not place a single life above any other. Could not pledge themselves to anything or _anyone_.

Whether he was fully aware of it or not, Anakin was asking for such a commitment. Even if he was willing to try - had offered to try - Anakin could not settle for anything less. Not really. Anakin did not know how to love without offering all of himself, and demanding the same in return.

And Obi-Wan was well on the way to making that commitment.

But not in that moment. Not impulsively and without thorough consideration of his duties and responsibilities, and repercussions of his decision. 

No matter how right it felt to hold Anakin. How... inevitable Obi-Wan's choice seemed.

Obi-Wan could not make that final step, could not fully commit his life to Anakin alone - not _yet_ \- but he could not keep hurting Anakin by his silence. 

"There is no one I cherish more than you, Anakin," Obi-Wan said. "My dear one."

Anakin let go of Obi-Wan's wrist, cupping the back of Obi-Wan's neck, a low, heated sound of pure need in the shape of Obi-Wan's name tearing from his throat. 

But the look in Anakin's eyes was naked and vulnerable. As if he couldn't quite bring himself to believe Obi-Wan's words. It made Obi-Wan's chest tighten with guilt: his ferocious, fearless, indomitable Anakin… hesitating to take that final step.

"Are you not going to kiss me?" Obi-Wan said in a low voice, arching an eyebrow in challenge and winding his hands around the back of Anakin's neck.

Anakin's eyes flashed, hesitation completely forgotten. He brought his hand up, cradling Obi-Wan's face. "And what if the answer is 'no'?"

"Well," Obi-Wan said, the corner of his mouth lifting. "I certainly hope it isn't. I would be dreadfully disappointed if that were the case."

Anakin shook his head, his eyes shining with joy, and deep, all-encompassing love. He tilted his head to the side, brushing a feather-light kiss on the corner of Obi-Wan's mouth. "I really have no idea why I love you so much."

Obi-Wan tightened his hold on the back of Anakin's neck, the familiar heat pooling low in his abdomen. "Must be my charming personality," he said, his voice far too breathless to be considered teasing.

Anakin turned his head, his mouth a hair's breadth away from Obi-Wan's. "No, I don't think that's it," Anakin murmured, his breath ghosting across Obi-Wan's lips in pale imitation of a kiss. "Try again."

Obi-Wan weighed his options, deciding that, sometimes, conceding defeat was the best course of action. 

"Anakin?" 

"Yes, Obi-Wan?" Anakin didn't even attempt to cover the smugness of his tone.

"Will you kiss me?" Obi-Wan said, voice solemn. 

"All you had to do was ask," Anakin breathed, still grinning even as he brought their mouths together in a kiss that was both claim and surrender.

Obi-Wan pulled back from the kiss first, resting his forehead against Anakin's, his breaths coming out in uneven pants.

"Anakin?" Obi-Wan murmured, playing with the soft hair on Anakin's nape.

"Yes?" Anakin sighed, rubbing gentle circles against the pulse point on Obi-Wan's neck.

"Why did you bring us here?"

Anakin pulled back, suddenly looking sheepish. "I wanted to show you the stars."

"Stars?" Obi-Wan repeated.

Anakin gave a faint shrug, his cheeks gaining a slight flush. "When I landed here I had to wait a few hours for the ride back to _Resolute_."

"And?" Obi-Wan prompted when Anakin trailed off, unable to stop his mouth from curving into a smile.

"And the sky was full of stars," Anakin said, taking a step back, embarrassment emanating from him in waves. "I have never seen so many stars all at once. I thought-" Anakin trailed off, making a helpless gesture with his right hand. "I wanted you to see it."

Obi-Wan looked at the sky, then back at Anakin. "Very well, then," Obi-Wan said, extending his hand in invitation.

Anakin frowned. "But what about us coming late? There are still a few hours until sunset."

Obi-Wan shrugged. "Coruscant will still be there. Even if we arrive a day late."

Anakin's answering smile was blinding. "A day?" Anakin asked, taking Obi-Wan's hand.

"A day," Obi-Wan answered, brushing a soft kiss against Anakin's lips. "That should be time enough."

"For what?" Anakin inquired, his eyes gleaming.

Obi-Wan smiled. "Whatever we want."

  
  



End file.
